By Grace Masback
WANT Original Content
The new year – a time of rebirth and renewal. A blank slate on which to draw the new you. Citius, Altius, Fortius (Swifter, Higher, Stronger), the Olympic motto properly describes the magnitude of your ambitions . . . at least until reality sets in. Resolutions are good, but beware of the likely fails:
- Go to the Gym – Ahhh January. The month when gym memberships soar. You join a gym, buy a whole new workout ensemble, find some healthy post-workout recipes, and invest in some hard-core deodorant. Then, you actually get to the gym and realize, “seems a little crowded, maybe I should come back next week.”
- Eat Healthier – No more Pirate’s Booty and Skittles for you. After all, some fruits and vegetables don’t seem too bad. That’s until you ask your mom for a snack and she brings you some kale chips and a tall glass of almond milk. Ugh.
- Learn a language – You get the Duolingo app for Spanish and immediately learn all the key phrases like “May I have a mani-pedi?” and “make that a grande.” Unfortunately, while you are at the app store you notice there’s a new update for Angry Birds. How do you say “chirp, chirp” in Spanish?
- Clean your room – You saw Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up at a bookstore and are motivated to make 2015 the year when everything in your room is going to be clean, neat, and organized. In an effort to really tackle the problem, you take everything out of your drawers and begin to sort it. Then, school starts and you don’t have time to but it all back in.
- Walk the dog – Before you got the dog, you promised your parents the dog would be your responsibility. This will be the year you finally live up to your promise. But, on January 2nd it’s a little rainy outside, on January 3rd there’s a blizzard, and on January 4th you have a stomach ache and are forced to recline on the couch and watch Dance Moms. Maybe tomorrow.
- Stop procrastinating– A worthy pursuit — you will be more productive and you won’t wait until the last minute to get things done. Then, as you start to spend more and more time making lists, planning out your time, and buying fancy organizers at Office Max you realize you have just found a new way to procrastinate. Congratulations!
- Go to bed earlier – Really your parents’ resolution, not yours. You obediently get into bed by 9:30 pm but then realize there’s some quality television to watch and a few texts you haven’t answered. You fall asleep at midnight – mission accomplished (at least your parents are happy).
- Reduce the closet clutter – Over the holidays you’ve been gifted some exciting new pieces for your wardrobe and are starting to run out of hangers. You could survive until summer without even going into a store . . . until you see that PERFECT sweater in an Urban Outfitters window . . . in mid-January.
- Stop eating ice cream – Why did you even bother with this one? Everyone knows that ice cream is the food of the Gods. What’s the point trying to resist?
- Do more community outreach – Everyone wants to do the right thing during the holiday season. So, why not pledge to give back and make the world a better place in 2015? A noble resolution if it is properly executed. PLEASE NOTE, liking your non-profit of choice on Facebook does not fulfill this resolution.
OK, so this year was not a great one for setting and fulfilling New Year’s resolutions. But, there’s always next year.