By Claire Hubbell
The Tower (Grosse Pointe, Michigan)
As I have grown and matured into the strong, independent woman I am today, I have learned quite a number of things about myself along the way. Unfortunately for myself and those who are close to me, I have discovered the sad reality that is my poor excuse of a work ethic.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a phenomenal work ethic – bar none, even – but for all of the wrong things.
Waking up early every day for an entire week to execute elaborate pranks on my sister for April Fools? Been there, done that. Can’t go to 11 different Seven Elevens on July 11? You thought. One time I even watched an entire season of House of Cards in a day. I don’t even like Kevin Spacey, let alone politics.
Good or bad, it is one of my most defining traits.
So, it’s no mystery what my reaction was when being confronted by my peers about the idea of a Star Wars movie marathon. With all the hype surrounding the new addition to the series, The Force Awakens, it was a challenge I couldn’t possibly turn down.
One day. Seven movies. 15 hours and 28 minutes of what I so ignorantly thought would be pure bliss.
After texting the friends who initially sparked my interest in the idea of a marathon and asking them to be my comrades in this epic battle of nerdiness, we formulated a plan of attack to conquer such a noble feat. I drew up a strict schedule and planned every aspect of the event out to a tee.
One of my friends who was also participating in the marathon, Lillian, consulted with an acquaintance of hers, who happened to be a huge Star Wars fan, on what order to watch the films in.
Though such a topic might seem foolish to dispute, apparently it is a controversy very near and dear to the hearts of many, as I have been either mercilessly scolded or praised for choosing the order that I did.
We decided on watching the movies in the order that they were made, instead of the numerical order of episodes.
There was no turning back now.
At 8 am on the first Monday of winter break, my team and I awoke with clear eyes and full hearts. We were not going to lose this fight.
Upon everyone’s arrival to my house, I so naively purchased the entire Star Wars series bundle for $90 on Amazon Video. Kind of pricey for someone who has only had about $2.75 to their name since 2007, but it was my only option. Everyone pitched in their portion of cash to the cause, and buckled in for the start of the marathon.
Now, I will not go into explicit detail about every aspect of the entire spectacle, but I will give a brief overview of what went down. Trust me, it’s in your best interest.
Do you know how hard it is to sit still and stare at a rectangle for 13 hours non stop? I think that breaking my arm in grade seven caused me less physical pain than this movie marathon.
Despite taking breaks to stretch, parts of my body became permanently numb from sitting for so long. Also, I already have subpar focusing skills, so forcing myself to pay attention to the screen for so long was like trying to teach white people to dance. It was not working.
I thoroughly believe that doing a movie marathon of this magnitude puts just as much stress on your body as running an actual marathon.
It all began with “Episode IV: A New Hope”, which was the most painfully two dimensional film I have ever seen. There was one plot. No other interesting side stories to divert my attention or interest. 90% of the movie was Luke, Leia, and Han putzing around the galaxy, while the other 10% just action and ancient, crusty special effects which pretty much all came at the end.
After this bumpy start to the marathon, my eagerness to forge on waned.
The next one on the list, “Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back”, turned out to be my favorite of the older movies. The plot was more complex, with more characters and more action.
Then came the other four movies. I am not going to describe or even name them individually because during the marathon, they all just blended together into one stale, neverending film.
Though in “Episode VI: Return of the Jedi”, Luke, Leia, and Han’s antics on Endor did peak my interest, largely because of my newfound appreciation of Ewoks, the rest of the movie just seemed too identical to itspredecessors.
Continuing to torture myself was doing quite a number on my sanity, but I had to keep going. My strange work ethic and its need to accomplish such a stupid goal flowed deep through my veins as I pushed myself to persevere onwards.
Eventually, the six movies I had purchased in the bundle had come to a close and it was time to cap the unpleasantry that one would call a movie marathon off with the finale – “Episode VII: The Force Awakens”.
Me and my fellow viewers ventured out to the always not-so-stunning AMC Star Gratiot, to see a late night showing of the newest addition to the Star Wars series.
We were exhausted. The bags under my eyes were big enough to take a three week trip to Paris. Similar to the way Donald Trump’s toupee feels during a big gust of wind — I was barely holding on.
However, we were beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel, so we carried on. And boy, was I glad we did.
“The Force Awakens” was nothing short of excellence. The excitement I feel on Christmas morning is nowhere near what I felt when the characters Rey, Poe, BB-8 and Finn were introduced. FINALLY! New faces!
The special effects were undoubtedly some of the best I’ve ever seen and the cliffhanger at the very end of the film left me speechless.
Despite being bored to tears for 85 percent of the event, I am glad I pulled through and completed the marathon.
Now I don’t have to fear for my life when I tell a group of super nerds that I have never basked in the glory that is the Star Wars series.
Plus, now I have something to write about for my college essays when schools ask me to describe a painful struggle I’ve had to endure!
It’s practically a win-win situation here.
So, if you have a spare 15 hours and a strange inclination to mentally torture yourself, I would highly recommend a Star Wars marathon. Just remember, keep the tissues close, ibuprofen closer, and may the force be with you.
Image Credit: Screen Rant